She gave me space to finally open up
While I wasn’t aware of the abuse at the time, my boyfriend in high school raped me. After coming to SPU, I confided in my friend about my past relationship with a pretty awful guy, but I didn’t realize the severity of his impact on me until hearing her response: ‘Abbey, that is not okay.’ Her affirmation and support gave me space to finally open up about what went on between my ex-boyfriend and I and the ways in which he emotionally, verbally, and physically abused me. I never imagined abuse could occur between someone you loved, someone who you believed loved you too. Throughout my healing process, as I came to terms with everything that happened between him and I, I struggled with blaming myself.
But, I went back to him.
I loved him.
It took me a long time to work through the ways in which I blamed myself. With the support of my family and friends, my counselor and her approach of lifespan integration therapy, I reached a place where I could step back from self-blame and even being infuriated with him, instead viewing the experience more as an unfortunate event in my life. That’s not to say I’m not angry, nor do I wish this kind of experience on anyone. However, compartmentalizing the relationship in this way has allowed me to move forward and survive. I once was a victim and didn’t even know it. After a lot of hard work, I have gained a deeper understanding of myself and developed genuine empathy for those who have survived similar traumas. I don’t see myself as a victim anymore though; I see myself as a survivor.
