I honestly believe East Asian racism is completely overlooked

I assume that when people look at me, they see a plain average person. I’d like to think I am beautiful, in looks and for who I am. I grew up in a hometown, Gig Harbor, with a huge lack of diversity. People would refer to me as the Asian one or the “golden Asian friend.” Is that all I am? I wish others would see me for more than my ethnicity.

I want to acknowledge that every person of color in America has a different, personal experience with racism. Mine is one without violence, exclusion, and overt discrimination. I want to recognize my privilege in that. Also, another disclaimer, I have so many wonderful friends and family members who never make me think twice about my ethnicity and truly see me as a human. On the other hand, the majority of my friends and family are white. There’s sympathy from them, but never true relation to what I feel.

This all being said, I honestly believe East Asian racism is completely overlooked. I grew up hearing a lot of racial microaggressions about me, which I didn’t think much of because it could never compare to the overt racism or violence other people of color were victimized to. Most of it surrounded unintentional racism and the “golden minority” ideology. I didn’t understand how being viewed as “naturally smart” and the assumption that I am always a good student were damaging. However, as an adult now, I realize the mental destruction those words and assumptions have done. I grew up in a city where being East Asian was considered “really diverse” even though I am adopted, and my parents are white. Being surrounded by mainly white people and a white culture caused me to think I was just plain. I wasn’t tall and lean with bright eyes like a lot of my friends. It took me all my adolescence and some of my adulthood to consider myself as beautiful.

I didn’t realize how aware I was of my ethnicity until I came to SPU. I found myself counting how many students of color were sitting at a table and how I contributed to that. For years I didn’t even think of myself as a person of color because I was called a twinkie (yellow on the outside and white on the inside). I eventually believed it. My parents aren’t Asian, and I lived a western lifestyle. At SPU, I could sit with a group of 15 people who were all minorities, whereas in Gig Harbor, I could be the only non-white person in an entire restaurant. While SPU is not the most diverse college, it is a stark contrast to my hometown. I experienced immense personal and academic growth during my time there.

Seattle itself is very diverse. I was excited to be exposed to amazing people with different ethnicities and backgrounds. While this is absolutely true, I have also experienced more racism since moving here. It made sense logically; bigger city, more people in general, different backgrounds. But I was also confused and hurt. I wanted to escape the microaggressions and assumptions. Strangers, who were usually white, found it appropriate to use my ethnicity as an ice breaker. Fun conversation starters like “what are you”, “do you speak another language”, “you must like Pho”, and “[insert any random Asian language word]… I just want to connect to your people” really made my day. It was hard to turn to my family to vent and for their responses to be “you’re tough and can grow a thick skin” or “only you can control what you feel.” While I understand that they care, I realized that they’re speaking from a privileged perspective and don’t know the anger I felt. I have tolerated so much in my past and I’m tired of constantly giving it with hurt in return. Some racially biased comments have come from family members, which are even harder to navigate and respond to because you love them unconditionally and know they’re not spiteful.

I continue to experience insensitive and anger-provoking comments, but I also experience joyous friendships and positive social interactions with strangers that balance it out. I’ve learned to accept and be proud of being a person of color. I still struggle with comparing myself to my white friends and thinking of myself as less sometimes, but I’ve also built mental tools to fight those thoughts. There’s obviously a lot of work to do in this country, and around the world, when it comes to viewing all humans as equal and beautiful. It’s pessimistic and sad, but I don’t think racism will ever cease to exist. But there is growth and love and education and bravery throughout communities to help mend it. My experience is only my own and may be considered tame in retrospect to the history of racism, but it’s one that I hope someone resonates with. I have come to learn that yes, some people are trash, but a lot of them are genuine. In the end, we all just want to find a common thing to relate us to one another. Usually its memes, which is fine with me.