What is it that is so expected of me?
The biggest thing I am afraid of, just in general, is being discontented with life. The American state-of-mind that ‘busy is better’ and one should always be moving or setting goals for yourself is good and can motivate me. But I feel like, especially as I get older, I have this sense of having to always move onto the next task or do the next accomplishment, and it makes it hard to just be at peace with where I am at. It does scare me that I will always feel that way. I guess I’m afraid of that in a bunch of different aspects, like with school and never feeling like I’ve truly accomplished what I need to since higher education is so competitive. I feel it as well in terms of faith and socially; it’s just hard to feel okay with where I am at so I’m afraid of never living up to my own expectations or expectations placed on me. Growing up, my brother and I were always expected to perform not only academically but also physically, like in our sports, and emotionally. We were expected to always be level-headed and to set a bunch of goals. Honestly, it gets old after a while when always having that pressure and feeling like the things we have done are okay, but we have to move onto the next best thing.
It’s frustrating that this message is so pervasive- the idea that your 20’s are ‘the prime of your life.’ I get told this, and everyone gets told this. It makes me feel like I need to live up to that idea. Am I supposed to do something super significant during this time? What is it that is so expected of me? This social pressure can be incredibly dismissive of the hardships that young people encounter as they enter adulthood. Mental health struggles, financial burdens, and the inevitable loss of friendships as people grow apart after college are all glossed over with the idea that we are young and therefore ought to be happy. That is not to say that I am miserable, I feel like my 20’s have been pretty good; they’ve been fine. But I wouldn’t say “This is the best; this is the pinnacle of life.” I don’t know, I don’t like that mentality. I think it plays into the same societal values that can be so damaging to people of all age groups. Things like youthfulness and beauty are held in a much higher regard than say, wisdom or experience. If my 20’s are supposed to be the best time of my life, then is the other 80-something percent of my life just a downward spiral? I wouldn’t like to think so.
