I struggle knowing where I fit into these cultures

I am a first-generation college student majoring in Psychology, set to graduate in the spring! I came to Seattle Pacific University as a transfer nursing student from a local community college. With my passion of helping others and the impact of the SPU community, I ultimately decided that a long-term career in nursing was not the correct path for me. With my desire to help others, I plan to work with children in the future, though I am still undecided as to what exactly that should be; I do know I’d like to have a focus on mental health in children.

I often think back into my past and reflect on who has impacted me heavily in forming the person that I am today. Though having a quick contemplation on who exactly that was due to a tricky past, I decided that my adoptive mother was my final answer. Growing up, I was in the foster care system till about age 3 due to custody issues with my biological mother. At the time, my mother was neither mentally or financially capable of providing a stable home for me to grow up in. The woman who adopted me became my inspiration; the amount of love and compassion she showed my adoptive siblings and I was incredible. I aspire to show the same caring traits she did in my day to day life. Following along the lines of family, both families have had an impact on my life, but I’d have to say my adoptive family had a more significant one. Being raised by a single mother has driven me to work hard and be successful in not only in my career but life skills as well. Growing up in that environment definitely shaped me into being the person I am today, especially when addressing religion. My adoptive mother was Catholic, and shortly after moving in with her I made the decision of committing to Catholicism; coincidentally I recently got baptized. The care and love shown by my adoptive mother and new church was truly amazing; they were warm, caring and welcomed me with open arms.

Funny enough, I was just asked in my personal growth and civic development class if I would change anything from my childhood as well. The big one I think of immediately goes back to my biological parents. I wish I could have them both in the picture and experience having biological maternal and paternal figures in my life. It’s not so much that I lacked any love or attention from my adoptive mother, but just the constant “what ifs”. I’d like to know what it’s like to have your parents as a role model and be able to speak with them when I need guidance for a lot of the skills, Many lessons I’ve learned are self- taught.

At first glance I am often seen as intimidating by others, I’ve struggled with this heavily since adolescence and only till recently have I come to terms with it. At one point in my life, the notion of this became very difficult and I fell into a depressive state. I was constantly told that I should smile more, but the thing is I know how to smile, and I know when I want to do so. Most of the time I am so busy, I don’t even realize I’m not smiling and can appear to be intimidating. I’ve learned that it’s okay to not smile all the time, and I stopped caring what others thought. Despite these misconceptions, I did my best to strive forward and not let what others said get to me. I learned to have a firmer grasp of my emotions and soon the approval of people I barely knew no longer seemed appealing to me, I was happy with or without their input.

Something about myself that may seem surprising to others is my appearance as well as bilingual. I am Vietnamese, French, and Mexican; I don’t identify as a single ethnicity more than the other, I simply state that I am biracial. Due to my racially ambiguous appearance, I struggle knowing where I fit into these cultures, especially when it comes to my Mexican heritage. Since I no longer have contact with my biological father and don’t know much about the culture, I often ponder if I should even call myself Mexican? As for being bilingual, when people around me who don’t know I speak a second language hear me speak Vietnamese they often gasp and say something along the lines of “Wow! I thought you were Mexican!” Which at times can be very annoying.

Though I’ve been through difficult times, I can definitely say I’ve learned many things along the way; the most important in my opinion being, acceptance. Because of my past and constant questionings regarding the role of my biological parents within my life, I’ve done my best in accepting that things do happen for a reason though we may not understand them at the time. With a sense of acceptance, I am trying to move forward and acknowledge that I do have a purpose. My passion lies in helping children, and I believe with expressing the traits I possess such as kind heartedness, and compassion I can inspire others to do the same. I’d like to ultimately be seen as a passionate human being who is dedicated to making the world a better place and not be labeled as intimidating by individuals who don’t know me or my story.